No Such Thing As Too Many Critics

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Ever since I realized that watching movies could be a career, I've wanted to be a professional film critic. Sure, I had other ideas for jobs growing up - actor, teacher, pro wrestling writer, filmmaker, videographer, editor and Superman - but film critic was always at the top.

In 6th grade, I entered a "Wag the Dog" review into a student writing contest. In 7th grade, my class wrote essays on our best friends. Everybody else chose a person, while I chose cinema itself. Every summer, I'd visit my cousins and when we'd watch movies, they would call me Siskel. And now, I have my own blog and rate movies by the beer through MovieBoozer. I think I can say that I've reached amateur status, but...

"How do you get a full-time job doing this? Damned if I know!" - Dan Kimmel

In order to become the professional critic I know I can be, I need to get paid for my opinions. In order to get paid for my opinions, I need to get hired. And in the current economic climate, no move to get hired is too bold.

To any publishers and editors that may be reading this, I offer not only my thanks, but a list of things I can do for you as a critic:

1. Review movies.

Of course, as a critic, my primary function would be to rate films. But, it's one thing to simply add a star rating to the latest Katherine Heigl snore fest, it's another to properly articulate why it should be avoided. With keen eyes and ears for detail, I notice things - tone, awkward dialogue and line reads, camera work, production news, etc - that will help any reader make a decision regarding a ticket purchase. And, with a little personality, I can make sure they will return to read another review. 

2. Local and National movie events.

Through social networking, independent theatres and film organizations are able to promote special events and screenings. I can preview such events, as well as cover them. Twitter, for example, has provided critic's the opportunity to cover film festivals and screenings live for readers who may not be able to attend. Using a laptop or smartphone, I can cover an event as it's happening. If the event is a televised awards show (Academy Awards, Golden Globes), I can provide up to the minute commentary, and converse with other readers.

3. Editorials.

I've written entries on special topics, from proposing a film screening to offering my take on a movie news story. As a critic, I can write pieces expressing my views on a local film production, how a news story might affect readers, DVD / movie streaming picks and even do recurring articles on movie history in a particular area. There is an unlimited amount of specialty content that I can provide.

4. Interviews.

Through many a google search, I've been able to contact several independent filmmakers, in an effort to track down their hard to find films. I can continue to do this, as well as ask some questions that would give readers some insight into the filmmaking process.

If interested, please read my other posts on this blog, as well as my writings on MovieBoozer and Invade Nola.

Some people wanted to be astronauts, while I wanted to discuss "Apollo 18". Others wanted to own a dalmatian, while I wanted to rip apart the "101 Dalmatians" sequel. We critics are a rare breed.

Review: "The Last Lullaby"

The following entry is cross posted from InvadeNola:

Ever find yourself digging through the discount DVD bin at Wal Mart in the middle of the night? You’re not really looking to buy something, and you’re really not looking for anything in particular – you’re just trying to fill the time. For some, a wide eyed walk around the local store is all that’s needed to burn that last bit of energy. For others…

The Last Lullaby is a story lead by two such people; two restless souls, troubled by sleepless nights and haunted pasts. When their paths inevitably cross, they will have to work together, not only to resolve their more immediate problem, but to ultimately get a good night’s sleep.

We are first introduced to our male lead, a nameless ex hitman who goes by whatever alias He can think of. Played by Tom Sizemore, Jack (his primary alias) lives a fairly comfortable life, but does so uncomfortably. Weathered and restless, Jack visits a convenience store where, by chance, He overhears a kidnapping plot. Out of sheer boredom, He rescues a woman, only to demand a ransom for her safe return. While He handles this situation with the expertise you’d expect, He seems to be going through the motions; punching a thug in the face is just like going to the store or watching Nick at Nite for this guy.

Months later, He is contacted by the woman’s father to perform a job; to eliminate a witness. He hesitantly accepts, and proceeds to go about his former routine. This is where He meets (well, observes) his target Sarah, played by Sasha Alexander. Probably breaking a golden rule, Jack makes his presence known to her, only to end up striking an immediate relationship.

Just as restless as Jack, Sarah also has an equally troubled past. Having witnessed the murder of her mother at a young age (the incident that has now made her a target), Sarah has been unable to sleep, or live, easy for years. Travelling from town to town, and picking up calm nerving habits like swimming or gun shooting, She has been unable to forget, and unable to, well, move on. In this way, she is Jack’s kindred spirit. Both need to drop their past, but have been unable to do so alone. Together, they will try again. Jack will protect Sarah from and eliminate for her the men who seek her silence, and Sarah will try to fill the void Jack has lived with for so long.

I first saw this movie a few years ago at the Prytania Theatre during the New Orleans Film Festival. It impressed me then, and impresses me now. For starters, the film has a very nice mood to it. Despite the loud gunshots and occasional blood, I found things to be relatively calm (exactly what Jack and Sarah are wanting). From the musical score, to the lighting/color scheme, to the use of quiet environments like small towns, swimming pools and empty roads, the film just has an all around soothing tone.

The casting/acting of Tom Sizemore is equally noteworthy. Seen mostly in direct to dvd titles in the last decade (including a short stint in self made porn), as well as being in and out of trouble with the law, Tom’s performance is a sort of reflection of his real life. Similar to Mickey Rourke in “The Wrestler” and “Kill Shot”, the role of Jack – a weathered, lonely, tired yet sleepless assassin – was meant for an actor that not only looks like He’s lived a rough life, but has the experiences/memories to back it up. The way He walks, the way He talks, and the way He stares at you all tell a story on their own. Letting Tom play Jack is like giving a baseball to Nolan Ryan – Tom nailed it.

Filmed in Shreveport by hometown filmmaker Jeffrey Goodman, “The Last Lullaby” ought to be added to your Netflix queue as soon as possible. With a movie as surprisingly good as this, you have every reason to stay in bed. No need making that 2AM trip to Walgreens, as you can always buy an extra gallon of milk later. 

4/5 *'s

For Your Consideration

In the midst of preparing this blog, I came across an old essay I wrote a few years ago, but for some reason left it unpublished. So, in lieu of a first "official" entry, I give to you what I consider to be a prologue of sorts for this blog:

Phone calls. Handshakes. Gift Baskets. Screener copies. "Good" reviews.

Almost like clockwork, awards season brings with it a wave of wanting. "For Your Consideration" notices plague websites, blogs, insider magazines, newspapers and so on. But, out of all the people fighting for a chance to at least be rumored to be getting an Oscar nomination, only a select few will actually go all the way.

I, for one, am not well known or important enough to be bribed with decorative soaps and expensive chocolate(or straight up cash, which I prefer), but I DO have a keyboard. And with that alone, I would like to formally ask for the Academy Of Motion Picture Arts And Sciences to consider, for the Best Supporting Actor category...Joe Fleishaker.
 

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 Call it a longshot, call it a darkhorse, I call it deserving. Though, it might be more deserving for Troma Studios than anyone, but since there is no Best Casting award...Not to say that Joe's performance in Troma's Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (3-Disc Collector's Edition) doesn't warrant recognition - it is one of the single funniest performances I've ever seen on film.

And Director Lloyd Kaufman knows funny. "I like fat people more than I like thin people, things are always a lot more funnier when they happen to fat people" He has said, and if there is ONE thing that Joe Fleishaker IS, it's a funny fat man.

Look at the brief scene under consideration: Jared(Joe Fleishaker) has pain in his stomach(hunger and intestinal problem). Refusing to let his food wait, He takes his tray with him to the toilet. While eating, He shits out(what we assume is) a baby chicken zombie, which promptly flies back up into his ass, causing poor Jared to not only shit like an Rhinoceros, but to stop eating.

When I first watched this, I felt myself almost tear up in excitement and laughter at this mass exodus of excrement, as I had once as a kid tried to set up a similar special effect for a video. The scene is believable enough in it's disgusting propulsion of poop, but what sends it over the top is Joe Fleishaker's screams of confusion, fear, pain and then joy - it is revealed that the shitting was so powerful, He shit himself skinny!

Ok, so maybe this is, indeed, a longshot for an Oscar nomination, or even to be rumored in the running for a nomination. But to all the voters out there, keep this in mind; is there ANY movie in the past year that has featured a scene as funny as or one that so exemplifies Americans image issues and relationship with fast food(and Americans in general) than an obese man literally shitting himself inside out, then running away in joy, leaving a poor fast food worker to clean it all up? For Your Consideration...

A short entry, yes. I hope it serves well as a preview. 
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